Words About Words - H. L. Mencken: The capacity of human beings to ...

WORDS ABOUT WORDS

The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animals. Some of their most esteemed inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner party of more than two, the epic poem, and the science of metaphysics.
—H. L. Mencken, American editor, satirist, and philologist, Notebooks, 1956

Posted on October 20, 1998 at 4:39 PM

H. L. Mencken quotations

Function FormatDate(d) If Month(d) = 1 Then s = "January" If Month(d) = 2 Then s = "February" If Month(d) = 3 Then s = "March" If Month(d) = 4 Then s = "April" If Month(d) = 5 Then s = "May" If Month(d) = 6 Then s = "June" If Month(d) = 7 Then s = "July" If Month(d) = 8 Then s = "August" If Month(d) = 9 Then s = "September" If Month(d) = 10 Then s = "October" If Month(d) = 11 Then s = "November" If Month(d) = 12 Then s = "December" s = s & " " & Day(d) & ", " & Year(d) FormatDate = s End Function Function FormatTime(d) If Hour(d) = 0 Then s = "12" ElseIf Hour(d) > 0 And Hour(d) <= 12 Then s = Hour(d) Else s = Hour(d) - 12 End If If Minute(d) < 10 Then s = s & ":0" & Minute(d) Else s = s & ":" & Minute(d) End If If Hour(d) <=12 Then s = s & " AM" Else s = s & " PM" End If FormatTime = s End Function Function RemoveSpaces(sOriginalWord) sWord = sOriginalWord If Left(sWord, 1) = "-" Then sWord = Right(sWord, Len(sWord) - 1) End If Do While InStr(sWord, " ") <> 0 spacePos = InStr(sWord, " ") If spacePos <> 0 Then sWord = Left(sWord, spacePos - 1) & Right(sWord, Len(sWord) - spacePos) End If Loop Do While InStr(sWord, "/") <> 0 spacePos = InStr(sWord, "/") If spacePos <> 0 Then sWord = Left(sWord, spacePos - 1) & "-" & Right(sWord, Len(sWord) - spacePos) End If Loop Do While InStr(sWord, "'") <> 0 spacePos = InStr(sWord, "'") If spacePos <> 0 Then sWord = Left(sWord, spacePos - 1) & Right(sWord, Len(sWord) - spacePos) End If Loop RemoveSpaces = sWord End Function Function ReplaceSingleQuotesWithHTMLCode(sOriginalText) str = sOriginalText Do While InStr(str, "'") <> 0 quotePos = InStr(str, "'") If quotePos <> 0 Then str = Left(str, quotePos - 1) & "'" & Right(str, Len(str) - quotePos) End If Loop ReplaceSingleQuotesWithHTMLCode = str End Function Function ReplaceAllQuotesWithHTMLCode(sOriginalText) str = sOriginalText Do While InStr(str, "'") <> 0 quotePos = InStr(str, "'") If quotePos <> 0 Then str = Left(str, quotePos - 1) & "'" & Right(str, Len(str) - quotePos) End If Loop Do While InStr(str, """") <> 0 quotePos = InStr(str, """") If quotePos <> 0 Then str = Left(str, quotePos - 1) & """ & Right(str, Len(str) - quotePos) End If Loop ReplaceAllQuotesWithHTMLCode = str End Function Function ReplaceString(strField, strFind, strReplace) findLocation = InStr(strField, strFind) Do While findLocation <> 0 If findLocation = 1 Then leftField = "" Else leftField = Left(strField, findLocation - 1) End If rightfield = Right(strField, Len(strField) - findLocation - (Len(strFind) - 1)) strField = leftField & strReplace & rightfield findLocation = InStr(findLocation + Len(strFind) + 3, strField, strFind) Loop ReplaceString = strField End Function