Words About Words - Philip Roth: My God! The English language is ...

WORDS ABOUT WORDS

My God! The English language is a form of communication! Conversation isn't just crossfire where you shoot and get shot at! Where you've got to duck for your life and aim to kill! Words aren't only bombs and bullets— no, they're little gifts, containing meanings!
—Philip Roth, Portnoy's Complaint

Posted on November 23, 2001 at 8:41 AM

Philip Roth quotations

Function FormatDate(d) If Month(d) = 1 Then s = "January" If Month(d) = 2 Then s = "February" If Month(d) = 3 Then s = "March" If Month(d) = 4 Then s = "April" If Month(d) = 5 Then s = "May" If Month(d) = 6 Then s = "June" If Month(d) = 7 Then s = "July" If Month(d) = 8 Then s = "August" If Month(d) = 9 Then s = "September" If Month(d) = 10 Then s = "October" If Month(d) = 11 Then s = "November" If Month(d) = 12 Then s = "December" s = s & " " & Day(d) & ", " & Year(d) FormatDate = s End Function Function FormatTime(d) If Hour(d) = 0 Then s = "12" ElseIf Hour(d) > 0 And Hour(d) <= 12 Then s = Hour(d) Else s = Hour(d) - 12 End If If Minute(d) < 10 Then s = s & ":0" & Minute(d) Else s = s & ":" & Minute(d) End If If Hour(d) <=12 Then s = s & " AM" Else s = s & " PM" End If FormatTime = s End Function Function RemoveSpaces(sOriginalWord) sWord = sOriginalWord If Left(sWord, 1) = "-" Then sWord = Right(sWord, Len(sWord) - 1) End If Do While InStr(sWord, " ") <> 0 spacePos = InStr(sWord, " ") If spacePos <> 0 Then sWord = Left(sWord, spacePos - 1) & Right(sWord, Len(sWord) - spacePos) End If Loop Do While InStr(sWord, "/") <> 0 spacePos = InStr(sWord, "/") If spacePos <> 0 Then sWord = Left(sWord, spacePos - 1) & "-" & Right(sWord, Len(sWord) - spacePos) End If Loop Do While InStr(sWord, "'") <> 0 spacePos = InStr(sWord, "'") If spacePos <> 0 Then sWord = Left(sWord, spacePos - 1) & Right(sWord, Len(sWord) - spacePos) End If Loop RemoveSpaces = sWord End Function Function ReplaceSingleQuotesWithHTMLCode(sOriginalText) str = sOriginalText Do While InStr(str, "'") <> 0 quotePos = InStr(str, "'") If quotePos <> 0 Then str = Left(str, quotePos - 1) & "'" & Right(str, Len(str) - quotePos) End If Loop ReplaceSingleQuotesWithHTMLCode = str End Function Function ReplaceAllQuotesWithHTMLCode(sOriginalText) str = sOriginalText Do While InStr(str, "'") <> 0 quotePos = InStr(str, "'") If quotePos <> 0 Then str = Left(str, quotePos - 1) & "'" & Right(str, Len(str) - quotePos) End If Loop Do While InStr(str, """") <> 0 quotePos = InStr(str, """") If quotePos <> 0 Then str = Left(str, quotePos - 1) & """ & Right(str, Len(str) - quotePos) End If Loop ReplaceAllQuotesWithHTMLCode = str End Function Function ReplaceString(strField, strFind, strReplace) findLocation = InStr(strField, strFind) Do While findLocation <> 0 If findLocation = 1 Then leftField = "" Else leftField = Left(strField, findLocation - 1) End If rightfield = Right(strField, Len(strField) - findLocation - (Len(strFind) - 1)) strField = leftField & strReplace & rightfield findLocation = InStr(findLocation + Len(strFind) + 3, strField, strFind) Loop ReplaceString = strField End Function